Brevity of life.

Everything is getting very real for me, very quickly.

I've been praying like a madwoman.


There's a lot I could say, but...

If anyone does read this, or happen to stumble upon it somehow,
please pray for my grandmother.

Thank you. It means a lot.

I wish I had done the right thing a long time ago.
And turned you away.

Because now I have to look back
and see how I've wasted my time.

And yet somehow it's a lot harder to do the right thing now.

I just don't understand any of it.
I mean, I do. It's just very frustrating.

Here's to improving my life
and appreciating it a whole lot more
and treating it
and myself
better.

:)

I just want things to be better between us.

I wish that weren't such a difficult thing.

I can't be with you.

I don't want to be with you.

I have too much dignity.

And I can't take it anymore.

It's not worth it.

Well, I'm miserable.

It's funny because I'm actually trying

to write different things

in each blog.

Well, not on purpose.

It's just turning out that way.

But yeah.

Apparently, I need to fucking think.

And I'm sure if I explained it to anyone else,

they'd probably understand where I'm coming from.

But apparently

layers upon layers of thinking

is supposed to fix

everything.

Sometimes I wonder if you could be nice to me,
rather than being a dick.

Because honestly, it's much too early in the morning (okay, maybe not anymore),
but if I'd just gotten up I would have felt better if you were nicer.

I feel I deserve to be treated better.

I need to wake up.

Ch-ch-changes.

Somehow, I think a lot of things will be changing in my life very soon.

I'm not sure how to approach them, or what would be the "right" way,
or even, perhaps, if I have a right to do so. I think I might. Hmmm.

I'm intrigued, I'm excited, and most of all, I can't wait.

And I'm just ever so curious.

This might become my new blog.

Or, I'll end up somewhere else.

Either way,

I hope to find my niche,
I hope to have people that allow me to feel what I feel,
to be open with things,
and not be judged.

I know that it's a bit silly to project so many expectations
on someone who may or may not exist
prior to even meeting them

but I think that just details
the qualities I'd expect
in a man
which shows
my standards
I think.

Now that I look at it,
i think it's funny, that
people tell me to stop being so hard on myself

When sometimes, they're the ones judging me, too.



I can't help but wonder if anyone visits this anymore.

I think it's funny because I have far too many blogs as it is

But

I need to change a lot of things in my life.

Because this year will be different.

I will make it so.