Sometimes, I'm not entirely sure why I am here.

You can't just stay out of my life, can you.

It's been a while.

I just wanted to say.

That i don't understand.

I don't understand why I always have to be reminded of you in one form or another, knowing that you probably don't give a rat's ass about me, and I'm doing what I can to move on.

It doesn't help when the internet grows smaller and somehow you appear on my Dashboard even though this is someone whom I've been following for quite some time. Chance. Happenstance. And yet, there you are.

Even though I'm over here, and you're 4,000 or whatever miles away.

You got away from me.

So why can't I get away from you?

I'm not going to continue this post lest I begin to sound trite, bitter, and immature.


It's just ridiculously unfair.


It's like God is trying to mess with me. Or test me.

Knowing that you have moved on and are enjoying your life.

Ugh, Charamy. Be real already.

Transitions.

I know not many people read this blog, and most don't even realize it exists (not that anyone should, haha).

I began this blog as a place to write down about a road trip I took with some friends about a year ago--
I admit, I still want to pick up and leave one day, just spontaneously venture off. If there's one thing my friends know that I'm good for, it's adventuring~

I also wanted to write down about where I would be, and how life would end up.

However, this blog also ended up as a repository for certain feelings. I felt I could put them here because a) I needed an outlet (I have far, far too many. This blog isn't actually my main) and b) I figured no one would read them so there was no harm. So c) no, my life doesn't revolve around that one thing. It's just that this blog happened to. But, again, it is one of many.



Life is going to be taking a lot of twists and turns soon, and I have to make sure I'm ready for it.

I'm finally entering the real world and making something of my Master's degree.

I'm actually in the middle of applying to schools-- literally. (Haha, this is a display of my irresponsibility, I'm sure).

I'm not sure where I'll be. I'm not sure where I'll end up.

It's part of the journey of life.


And I suppose that's what is most important.


I just want to make the most of it.

So that's it, I'll leave you alone.

I know. I said that before.

But due to my ridiculous mind and being concerned about my health, etc...

For some reason I told you.


Now, I'm pretty sure all you want is to stay away from me and really,

we'll probably never see each other again.


And I mean that quite literally, not dramatically.


It's probably for the best.

"I'll talk to you later."

You don't want to talk to me. I understand.

I only ever cause problems for you, anyway.

Truth is, I know it's better also if we don't talk.

It's not worth it for me to talk to you.

Or vice versa.

That's why I never wanted to say anything.

And it seems that every time I try to contact you,
it's only because I'm having a problem.

It's not worth it for you to contact me because
I'm not one of those you need to keep in contact with
because all I ever bring is drama.


Good grief, look at me.

Wallowing in my self-pity and being depressing.

It's no wonder.


It's not worth it for either of us.

We clearly don't have anything to do with each other anymore.

I won't bother you anymore.

I wanted to spend time with you.
But I'm pretty sure I was the only one.

I wish that you would like to spend time as much as I did.

But I know better.

... sigh.

Burned Up.

We watched and waited

as the walls burned down around us

yet we still played with the embers.


You don't know everything.

You knew about what was written,

but not that all of it burned away.